I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
