that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
