Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
