just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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