Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
