so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
