9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Rumble strips road head = magical
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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