Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
