yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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