Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
