After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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