OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
