i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
