Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
