oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
