see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
