her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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