I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
