Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize