I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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