She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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