you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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