so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize