quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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