GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
