Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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