I accidentally burped into my bong.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize