He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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