I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
soo... how was my night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
