ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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