Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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