i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
