I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
