my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
