why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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