I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
