Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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