As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
