I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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