we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
