i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
