id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everyone says I win the strip club
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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