i permit you to call me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
