I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
