No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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