ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
