Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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