i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
