My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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