i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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