It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
