It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
