He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
