my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
