If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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