I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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