I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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