so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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