you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
