Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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