I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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