UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
