What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
