thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
