He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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