So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
