Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
