Only a mothe r could love this liver
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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