Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just cropdusted the office
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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