He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think my vagina is haunted
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
