If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
