Too much gin, very little bucket
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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