my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
