Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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